Chipped Polish

In a strange series of events, in feeling rushed and lazy this morning, I left the house in sandals. Not a big deal of course, as we are permitted to wear open-toed shoes at work, and they were cute, professional shoes. The problem didn't come until I got a glance of my toes, my toes with CHIPPED nail polish. Red, chipped nail polish. I was embarrassed to say the least. I never let this happen! Ever. I spent the entire day hiding my feet under my desk and only leaving my office in extreme emergencies.

But as I looked at the mess created along my toes, I remembered the last time this happened, and it hadn't been all that long ago. In fact, it was in the weeks after Homie's accident. I remember I was with my best friend shopping for bridesmaid's dresses. It was during a time when I had to will myself to do anything. Anything that included, but was not limited to, getting up in the morning, brushing my teeth, going to work, and shopping. And that morning, the thought of moving was too much. The thought of removing chipped polish was unbearable. I went shopping with chipped polish, and it was embarrassing. I knew it. We were shopping at upscale boutiques, and everyone was dressed to a nine. I looked far from their nine. I was tired and I was weak. And I could have cared less what anyone thought.

So, as I thought about that day, and how hard it was for me to do anything, I realized how far I had come. I'm not sure when everything changed. When simple activities felt bearable, and getting up in the mornings took little thought. I'm not sure when I didn't feel the need to take naps at lunch, or sleep until noon. I know it happened after our trip to Europe, I remember feeling exhausted then. The start of summer was rough, as I was tired and resented work. But somewhere along the way, sometime in the last month or maybe two, everything changed. I didn't notice it happen, but it did. Perhaps it was the sun. Or just the fact that the season had changed to summer. Or that I could take endless days off from work. I'm not sure, but whatever it was, I made me feel so much better. And for that, I am grateful.

I noticed the change a week or two ago, but didn't think too much of it. Today I saw two people I hadn't seen since May, both of them at different times. And each of them told me how much better I looked, how refreshed I looked. They were giving me compliments, that much I knew. Both had seen me at my worse, far from refreshed, and I was happy to have the validation. But it left me thinking, what caused this shift, how did I go from feeling so sullen, to so refreshed. How did I do it without even realizing it?

I've learned a lot in the past 10 months, and I'm still far from perfect. But I'll take this mature, chipped polish, upbeat person in a heartbeat. I'm darn proud of who I have become.

I hope you are proud of you (even if you're not always perfect!).

And with that, cheers. And goodnight.